photo © 2010 Paul David | more info (via: Wylio)

It’s been awhile since my last blog post on here.  The past four months have been quite full.  I’ve seen a lot of loss, challenge, gratefulness, despair, acceptance, confusion, and peace over these past weeks since I’ve last written.  I’ve personally experienced many of the feelings described above, and I’ve also walked with family, friends, and clients in my practice who have been through many of these things.

My heart aches as I think of two dear moms I know who have had to say goodbye to their young daughters after illnesses weren’t healed from our prayers; and I’ve also closely known people who have lost their jobs and homes as a result of this economic recession.  These are just a few of the stories of very difficult situations I’ve seen, and it brings me to reflect upon the question I have been asked in my clinical practice and personal life more times than I can remember: “Why do we pray if God doesn’t always answer our prayers?  I mean, what’s the point to it?  I never know when He’s going to help me or bring me what I’m praying for, so why do we bother to do it?”  And, “Why is He allowing me to go through this pain and suffering when it could have so easily been avoided if He had only answered my prayer?”

These questions lead me to think back upon one of my own greatest challenges with loss that I experienced when my mother died after my freshman year in college.  We were told she was terminally-ill just before Christmas in my senior year of high school.  After hearing that news, life was never the same again.  We prayed and prayed for her to get better, but she just got worse and worse.  I remember how I stopped praying for her to recover after awhile.  I think I stopped praying because I was afraid of feeling disappointed with God if He let her die without answering my prayer of healing her.  I didn’t stop praying all together, but I began praying that the Lord would bring me peace and strength if He chose to take her to heaven.  And I can promise you: God really did.  He brought me a peace of knowing she was safe and at rest with Him. He also brought me strength to continue on with my life while working and going to school, despite the deep, deep loss I felt in my heart.

God promises to bring us peace and strength, no matter what we’re going through.  He may not promise to answer each of our prayers the way in which we want them answered, but He promises through the prophet Isaiah:

“You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You.

Because He trusts in You.

Trust in the Lord forever,

For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.”  (Isaiah 26:3-4)

God promises to bring us everything we need, even when we may think we need something else.  We are so blessed that He will always bring us the strength and peace we need to make it through whatever challenges may come our way.  Knowing this truth, we can approach our prayer time as precious time of communing with God.  We don’t need to overwhelm ourselves with the pressure of wondering, “Will He answer this prayer, or that prayer; or will He rescue me from this situation?”  We can approach Him with whatever feelings, questions, thoughts, or praises may be on our hearts.  Instead of praying as a means of seeking answers, why don’t we aim to pray with the intention of spending time with God, pouring our heart out before Him, growing closer to Him, and renewing our faith in Him during those quiet times we spend alone with Him in His presence.  God desires to have a personal relationship with us, and prayer is one of the ways in which we can truly grow to know Him and the love He has for each one of us.

Sometimes, when we walk through times of loss and despair, we have to make the choice of whether to go it alone, or to choose to trust in Him.   Even when things seem very quiet and we may even wonder if He is there, we still must say,

“Therefore I will look to the Lord, I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)

Have you recently experienced any pain or loss that has led you to question your understanding of prayer?  Is it ever difficult for you to remain consistent in your faith when struggles or loss come your way?

:mrMark:

Our summer break has been over for more than a couple of weeks now and it’s just starting to hit me that there is a BIG difference between summer break and the academic school year.  My 3 year-old is starting pre-school at the same little co-op that my older daughter attended, and my 5 year-old is starting Kindergarten as we begin homeschooling for the very first time.  A lot of new beginnings and I feel a little nervous and excited about them, too. It will be quite a challenge to see how I am able to continue to try and be like Mary at Jesus’ feet, while still juggling all of the Martha responsibilities of managing a household, kids, and my private counseling practice.

I have to admit that it’s always been a struggle to try and find a balance of being still before the Lord, and pursuing my interests and passions.  I think it’s a blessing to be aware of our God-given talents and to discover ways to grow through them and use them to serve the Lord.  But it can also be a challenge for a lot of us to find a balance between using those talents, keeping up with responsibilities, and keeping our hearts and minds focused on the Lord.

How are you doing with finding a balance between being still with the Lord, taking care of responsibilities, and continuing to grow in your talents and passions?

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”   “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  (Luke 10: 38-42)

Is it always so easy to love one another?

Is it every difficult to “love” your friend, spouse, neighbor, child, or difficult co-worker at the office?

Have you ever not wanted to love someone you’re currently in a disagreement with and said, “God, how on earth can you expect me to love this person?  Look what they’ve done to me!”

Jesus understands.  He knows it’s not always the easiest thing for us to love others when they’re difficult with us.  Or, when we’re in a irritable mood where we’re having a hard time even loving ourselves, let alone other people in our life.

When we feel challenged in loving other people in our lives, it’s important to go to the Lord in prayer and share our situation with Him.  Let Him know about the difficulty we are having and ask Him for His help in bringing us to a place where we can love the other person.

Sometimes it may sound like, “God, I don’t know how I could ever love this person after what they’ve done to me.  But, Lord, I love you and so I’m asking for You to give me the love I need to love this person through you, not by myself alone.  Lord, fill me with your love and give me the strength to love that person as you’ve called me to do.  Help me let go of my bitterness and take the pain I feel inside as I think of what this person did to me.  Help me recognize if I have any responsibility in the matter and give me the ability to learn and grow from what’s happened between us.  Lord, I give you the anger I feel toward this person and I pray that you would fill me up with your love.  Bring me peace, Lord, and the strength to move on from what’s happened between us.  Protect me from future harm with this person, Lord.  I trust that you’re taking care of me and Your love is sufficient for all my needs.”

Sometimes we have to make a decision to love others, since God has called us to do this.  Then, we can look to the Lord to give us the love we need to love the other person.  And God can heal our wounds and take our bitterness away.

When we are finally able to love the other, we can have peace as the Lord’s love fills us and frees us from the bondage of resentment and bitterness.  It takes strength and courage to try and love another when have a conflict with them; but not only is God calling us to love the other person, but we will walk in His love and freedom as we choose to love rather than resist loving them.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Do you ever struggle with wondering what should you do with past events or circumstances that you have experienced in your life?

Have you ever tried to simply “forget” those memories, or tried your hardest to distract yourself from the memory of those situations in order to move on with your life?

I’ve talked with lots of people who’ve tried their hardest to “forget” memories of the past.  Sometimes it works for a while to distract ourselves from the thought of those things, or to stop ourselves with a strong reminder that we are no longer allowing ourselves to remember certain things.  Oftentimes we use what are called “defenses” (rationalization, humorization, etc.) to help ourselves to not think of those things that we don’t want to focus on.  But those defenses can only work so well or so long, sometimes; and then the unresolved thoughts and feelings from the old memory may come back to bother us directly or disguise themselves in the form of symptoms of depression or anxiety.

So, how are we to apply what Paul is saying in the above verse to our lives?

According to the dictionary, “forget” can also be defined as: “to omit mentioning, to take no note of.”   In my experience, it can definitely be helpful when a person can reach a place of being able to choose not to discuss or dwell on a troubling experience from the past once a person has processed the feelings and thoughts related to the memory and then given it up to God.  We can sometimes talk about, cry about, think about a situation for years and years and never move on with our lives.  When we get stuck like that, I think it is important to seek out some counsel from someone who can help us realize what we’re doing and once and for all make a decision to place that situation into the Lord’s hands and choose to “forget” about it, or “omit mentioning” it.

I do think it’s important though, to fist give ourselves the opportunity to validate and respect our thoughts and feelings related to the memory of whatever troubling situation we have experienced; and then it is equally important to work towards finding a way to entrust that situation into the Lord’s care and to do what we need to do to keep that situation in the Lord’s care rather than burdening ourselves down by daily picking it back up and thinking about it all over again.

It is when we are finally able to rest the situation into the Lord’s hands that we can then “press on toward the goal for which God has called me.”  Paul is right that it would be very difficult, if not impossible, to press on towards the goal while burdening ourselves down with memories from the past clouding our minds.

Is something from the past keeping you from pressing forward in your life?

Are you ready to explore whatever may be holding you back, and give it to God so that you can move forward with your life in Him?

Many of us have been through difficult times in our lives and just haven’t figured out how to let go of those painful memories.  Maybe you’ve actually been through a trauma which left you in a place of feeling threatened for your own life.  Memories from traumatic experience are often stored in not only our minds, but our bodies, too.  Sometimes it takes time to talk about those difficult experiences and to process our thoughts and our feelings related to whatever happened in our past.

Is there something in your past that you haven’t fully processed through?  Are the thoughts and feelings from it still holding you back from being content today?  Ask the Lord if there’s something He wants to reveal to you, and ask Him for the courage to help you walk through it with Him as He brings you healing and restoration.

Do you ever feel exhausted from trying to work through past hurts, memories, or behavior patterns that you know are not helpful in your life?

Henri Nouwen says in The Inner Voice of Love:

“Do not despair, thinking that you cannot change yourself after so many years.  Simply enter into the presence of Jesus as you are and ask him to give you a fearless heart where he can be with you . . . Jesus came to give you a new heart, a new spirit, a new mind, and a new body.  Let him transform you by his love and so enable you to receive his affection in your whole being.”

Nouewen’s words are encouraging to me as I agree that we all have the opportunity to be healed and transformed by the presence of Jesus.  We only need to be willing to ask and receive his love and transformation in our lives.

Jesus has everything we need.  He can bring healing to our hearts, and renew our spirit, mind, and body.  His love is what transforms us and changes us on the inside.

It’s when we allow His love to fill us and satisfy the empty or wounded parts of  ourselves that we are then able to view life and the world with new eyes.  We can begin to see life’s struggles and circumstances from the perspective of a person who is fully loved and taken care of by Jesus.

But, it’s up to us to choose to allow him to transform us.

Are you ready to let him transform you?

Is there anything that’s stopping you from allowing God to transform your life?

I’ve met many people who are very dissatisfied, and even ashamed of where they currently are in life.  They expected that they would be at a more successful place in their careers, living in a bigger place, be married or have so many kids, by the age that they are currently at.

It can feel devastating to some people, when they are unable to meet those expectations that they have created for themselves.  Feelings of shame or worthlessness may consume them; and it may become difficult to appreciate or find satisfaction in their lives as a result of these goals they had.

But those expectations are our expectations, or the expectations that our parents, peers, or society has placed on us.  However, if we are living in Christ, we don’t need to live in bondage to those expectations.  We only need recognize who we are in Christ:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:17)

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20)

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are mine” (Is. 43:1).

“Since you were precious in my sight, you have been honored.  And I have loved you” (Is. 43:4).

We are a new creation, and we don’t need to dwell on the mistakes of our pasts.  We can live free from the bondage of sin as Christ has cleansed us through His crucifixion.  He cares so much about us that he wants us to belong to Him.  He cherishes us, honors us, and loves us, unconditionally, regardless of where we are or what we’re doing in our lives. 

I hope that these verses can encourage us  whenever we begin to measure or judge our self-worth based on earthly expectations we have placed upon ourselves, or chosen to identify with because of the influence of others in our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C01lLxEo3xM&annotation_id=annotation_257090&feature=iv

Do you see yourself as a victim of your circumstances: helpless, alone, without hope?

Or, do you see yourself as victorious as you are walking with the Lord through whatever trial or storm may have come your way?

It isn’t always that easy to navigate our way through a difficult life situation.  It’s understandable when big trouble comes our way to almost naturally default to a place of feeling overwhelmed or mentally exhausted.  But, I do wonder if we have a choice to choose whether we view our life during the difficult time as being that of a victim’s life, or of that of a person who is victorious while being loved and taken care of by Christ?

How do you view your life today? 

How do you want to view your life, if you can make that choice?

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”  (Isaiah 58:11)

I learned this week that a family I have known is preparing to travel to Africa with their three children by sea with Mercy Ships.  The Schwebels will be serving with a ministry that provides medical care to the “poorest of the poor.” (You can read their story and blog here: http://www.schwebelfamily.org/Missions/Home.html).

 It’s not everyday that I hear of people I know who decide to leave their jobs, homes, earthly possessions, and move themselves and their kids across the world to serve the Lord and minister to those in need.   In my counseling practice, I view my work with clients as my ministry.  I am so grateful to have the opportunity to meet with people, provide them with a safe and confidential place to talk, and to be available for however God may lead me to respond to their needs in our sessions.  But I have to admit, it would be very difficult for me to just leave my home, friends, family, possessions, and to pack my children, husband, and myself on board a ship headed for Africa.  I am really inspired by the willingness and passion to serve in the Schwebel family.  Their example moves me to want to draw closer to the Lord and ask Him to help me surrender my attachments to my current surroundings so that I may be more willing and available to heed to the Lord’s call for my life, wherever and with whomever it may be.

Do you feel ready and willing to love others, as Christ has loved you?

What possessions or desires possess you and may interfere with your ability to hear God’s prompting in your life?

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us” (1 John 4:11-12).